- The first will contain your original poem.
- The second will be a critique of a peer's work. Remember to place your name at the bottom of each comment. Remember, this is positive feedback. Stick to praise... as none of us are here to criticize the creativity of our peers.
Be sure to keep your language appropriate and mature.
25 comments:
Ashes float above me
Each one glistening grey
Covering the world darkly
Mankind to betray
Ashes float above me covering my,
eyes which are hurting badly
Waiting for sunrise
Ashes come towards me
Like a magnet's pull
Everything seems gauzy
'Till the sun is full
the last one is tea aka dgscut
Ashes
What’s the point of dreaming?
When all your dreams go up in flames and come back down as ashes.
When your loved one has been scheming,
And leaves your heart full of bleeding gashes.
What’s the point of hoping?
When the ashes of your hopes are burned right to the ground.
You feel once he’s left you, there is no way of coping.
No matter what you do, no love is to be found.
What’s the point of loving?
When your heart goes up in flames and comes back down as ashes.
He fought with you, didn’t he, all the pushing and shoving.
His words stung your heart like 1,000 whip lashes.
Maybe it’s good that your love ended,
Maybe it’s okay that your heart turned to ashes.
It’s okay because you never ended
You’ll be okay, hearts take many bashes.
Mary B.
Ash
I feel the mood change as they circle around me,
As if they say we are near,
The floorboards creaked beneath the,
As if to say we are here,
It circles down, down through the chimney,
Around me, through me, still I fear,
Of what they hold for my soul,
I do not want to go through that toll.
Still I must to demonstrate,
Even though I hate,
The flames thicken,
The walls cave in,
And all I can see is that I am defeated.
By ashes
Rachel
I like Mary's because it shows everything that was asked to be shown and she added more. I also like where she says what's the point of hoping because it shows how the person is depressed becuase all of their dreams have now been turned to ashes
-Tea/dgscut
Sorrow days go by
As the tears of many go on
Some of the lost still lye
As the day sets to dawn
The people start to fade away
After many days they forget about the ashes
In addition, no one would say
The horrible event that left them with lashes
As the soot blew on
The people began to move forward
They began to love once on
But never forgot about the people who left in the ashes
Natalie
Ashes
Ashes have fallen from fire
The sky is dark and grey
The flames got on a wire
Ashes are falling through out the day
The fire men are fighting
The fire id huge
Thr fire is frightning
The fire men feels like they are going down a luge
By: kylie
Depression is like a stake
It turns into ashes
You will drown in its lake
it turns to ashes
Anger are like rashes
it turns into nothing
it feels like lashes
it turns into nothing
They hurt like hell
you can't sit still
pain will ring like hell
it feels as if it will kill
JACK GILCHRIST
Ashes, the Leftovers
Things that are burned, the leftovers
Are something we call ashes
Everything from clovers
To toys and cars and sashes
But, things that you feel after sudden change
They can be ashes too
When something happens that is strange
A new feeling will come through
That new feeling will stay for a while
This is the consequence
This is the leftover pile
The leftovers of that change’s existence
Sophia Gupta
I thought that Tea's poem was really well written. It used good vocabulary words and had powerful rhyme schemes. I also enjoyed how the narrorator in the poem was the person hurt it made the poem more persvasive.
Great Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Natalie
I thought that Tea's poem was really well written. It used good vocabulary words and had powerful rhyme schemes. I also enjoyed how the narrorator in the poem was the person hurt it made the poem more persvasive.
Great Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Natalie
Ashes by Shay
They fly away quietly far from the ground
Leaving the flames far behind
Ignoring the screams, the cries, the sound
They do not care nor do they mind
They swirl and twirl to all of the cries
A quiet little dance to a melancholy tune
They end the performance and sadly sigh
For their death will come quite soon
The rain pours down, adding to the gloom
The skies are dark and before long
The ashes are sent to their lonely tomb
Along with the flames that are now gone
Tea's poem was really good because she used a lot of very good vocabulary words and her overall message was really cool. Rachel's poem really made me think about her message, and I could actually picture a house burning down with a women trapped inside it. I liked Natalie's because hers was talking about how people will never forget about other people, also, her ryhme scheme was excellent.
life just rolls along and nothing changes
i do all i need all i can
its like a book with not many pages
i am not sure if i am a man
the point of life is gone
every thing is familur
every thing i crave is gone
i have no life pilur
all the neighbors act the same
not one acts unice
it's like they are ashame
my neighbor is a freak
I like Mary's because to is very descriptive. I like how she starts every quatrain. It also has some very good vocab to it as well. I really like the ending how she says "Hearts take many bashes."
By Shay
Everyone's poems are full of creativity! I love how descritive they all are. Some of my favourites are Mary, Natalie, and Rachel's! I liked them because of how they rhymed their words. i like how Mary wrote questions in her poem and how rachel put in mataphors. Natalie's poem is really touching and makes me feel like i am actually there. Great job for EVERYONE!
I think Mary's poem is well written because the questions really make you think and I like how she repeats a line every verse!
JACK
the peom i liked was Mary's because it was really creative and she used vocab terms and it had questions.
By: Kylie
Ashes of love.
Ashes of love,
fall down to the ground,
light as a dove,
piling in a mound.
Ashes of love,
from a fire red,
held in a glove,
from a person quite dead.
Ashes of love,
spark a fire of hate,
down comes a black raven dove,
from it the fire ate.
I like Tea's poem because she really followed the rhyme scheme and she painted a picture in my mind that really is powerful.
I really like Mary's poem because it uses good rhyming words and it is very meaningful. It was cool because she hid the messages in her poem and didn't just tell you what she was saying. She uses good metaphors such as "your hopes are burned right to the ground". I like this awesome poem a lot.
-Sophia
Sparks had danced, flames had pranced
All in the light of the moon
They didn’t know what was to come
It was just a bonfire in June…
Powdery grey fell like snow,
Swirling, twirling, to and fro
Now the people grew tired and rested their heads
But the embers remained, glowing with pride
They started to spread, not just fire but soon dread
All the houses, they whimpered and cried
Powdery grey fell like snow,
Swirling, twirling, to and fro
The homes that once stood tall and proud
Turned to ashes that fell to my feet
I tried to help out but the fire was a shroud
Not once did those flames retreat
Powdery grey fell like snow,
Swirling, twirling, to and fro
Now that event passed, nobody was harmed
But a message is here to this day
“Don’t just close your door with its locks and latches,
Remember; in June, don’t play with matches.”
I lay awake in my bed at night,
all i think about is my scaring sorrow.
My time will never again be bright
nothing will be the same tomorrow.
I lay awake watching time go by,
the tick tocking time bomb of life.
I want so bad for detonate,my happiness dwindles dry.
The stabbing pain through me caused by the dreadful death knife.
Only ashes are left from my once lived life.
I think Tamzins is really good because it has a lot of personification e.g. "All the houses they whimpered and cried"
which gives a great descriptive setting.Her poem has great description e.g. "the fire was a shroud" shroud is such and unusually descriptive word but is perfect in this specific line.
I thought that Sophia and Natalie had very unique and creative poems. For example, Sophia had interesting ideas such as ashes being referred to as leftovers, and Natalie described the people as ‘fading away’ which was a fitting depiction. I thought that they both had good rhyming schemes and were very interesting to read.
Great job everyone on your unique poems!
Post a Comment